This is for you. You and I are going through the same thing right now. We are struggling through the same hardships, obstacles, frustrations, worries and anxieties. I know this because I can finally understand what you had to go through, and what you still are going through now, when you were so far away from us. I know how hard it is so start over when you know no one and you’re literally in a place in your life where everything just seems so sinful and mean and tempting. I know life is so hard right now. I know it’s lonely, confusing, depressing, and sometimes just downright sucks. But, just remember that I am always here for you. We haven’t talked in the longest time and just admitting that to myself is so hard. I even feel ashamed sometimes because I feel like such a terrible and neglectful friend. Whatever you are relying on right now, don’t. And, you feel like you’re accountable for doing these things because you’re a college kid and these are what college kids do, right? No, these material things won’t suffice for the pain you’re going through. Yeah, they’re temporary escapes and fun at the moment, but, the feeling of worthlessness, emptiness, and that sinking feeling just sucks afterwards, right? I know that the people you hang out with don’t even know or can’t comprehend the extent of pain you are going through right now. Just remember that there are people out there other than your family who truly, really love you and care about you. People who want to see you overcome this battle and succeed in making it in this lifetime. Make this life the way you want it to be. Find joy in something that is truly good and worthy. You are one of the most confident and hardworking people I know and I know you will be able to overcome this rut that you’re stuck in. I hope you can find the patience, willingness, strength, and courage to change your life despite everything that goes on around you. I just want you to always remember that I will never, ever turn my back on you. My hand is always reaching for you to hold even if we don’t talk for 20 years. Just remember you’re not in this journey alone and that I will always be fighting with and for you.
I really hope you read this and know that this is solely for you.
I remember your smell. I was just going about my night, washing up, and I suddenly remembered how you smell. How close we were. And how I swore my clothes smelled like you after that night. And I don’t even know your name. And it made me realize that I dont remember what ____ smells like. I guess its been that long.