“I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.”—
When you attach too many strings over your life, in an attempt to make some sort of sense out of your decisions, life turns on you and ties you up. Have you considered letting go of the strings, and allowing God to show you life as it comes? Mark 6:34
I’ve tried and failed many times. Many, many times. But, I’m progressing and learning.
I am the most fickle human being in the universe. I cannot make a decision to save my life. Making the smallest and most mundane choices become the most stressful and tedious tasks. I must outweigh the pros and cons of each which then lead to my catastrophizing the events that could result in the consequences of that choice. It’s a vicious, sane-diminishing cycle. This is such a grueling process that I have to go through every. single. fxking. day. I don’t understand why I do not possess the mental simplicity to just make everyday choices, important or not, with the confidence that whatever God has in store for me, will work out in my favor.
My father bought the Steve Jobs biography for me. It is a brick, times ten. I have yet to crack the book open because reading about such an esteemed and accomplished man will again remind me I have done nothing spectacular and/or worthy for nineteen years. Quite possibly, this book could inspire me to get off my ass and attempt to do something that I can look back 20 years from now and be proud of. But, then again, it may not.
It seems to me that listlessness and apathy are slowly becoming long drags of reality rather than bouts of skepticism. What used to inspire is slowly being extinguished with age. And as with age, the less intriguing people become and the more cynical my thoughts become. I always find myself bracing my heart for the worst rather than holding my breath for the best. I have enormous respect for those who are genuinely and always optimistic. They look at circumstances with the best outlook in mind and heart. And it is always the ones with a passion and great adoration for something. All at once, I envy hate and love these kinds of people.
The constant struggle between finding my opportunities and letting them find me: always there and always will be.
“I may sound old-fashioned, but I want to think all women should be treated like I want my wife, daughters, and granddaughters to be treated. I notice today that good manners—like standing up when a woman enters the room, helping a woman with her coat, letting her enter an elevator first, taking her arm to cross the street—are sometimes considered unnecessary or a throwback. These are habits I could never break, nor would I want to. I realize today a lot more women are taking care of themselves than in the past, but no woman is offended by politeness.”—Frank Sinatra (via modernhepburn)