i’ve been staying up so late for the past couple of days. i stay up until i can no longer keep myself awake and i just pass out. i hate when i try to go to sleep only when i’m a little tired because i just lay there trying to sleep and all these thoughts flood my mind. i end up laying in bed for an hour just thinking which makes me just stay awake even more. i wish there was an off button for my brain when i try to sleep. i think about things that worry me and stress me and i try to pray but my mind starts to wander off on its own and then i end up thinking, ‘how did i start even thinking about this.’ i just want to sleep peacefully for once
“(…) Be wicked, be brave, be drunk, be reckless, be dissolute, be despotic, be a suffragette, be anything you like, but for pity’s sake be it to the top of your bent. Live fully, live passionately, live disastrously. Let’s live, you and I, as none have ever lived before.”—Violet Trefusis to Vita Sackville-West , October 15, 1918. (via ponyrider)
“I feel like people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We’re always thinking that someday we’ll be happy. You know, we’ll get that car or that job or that person in our lives that’ll fix everything. But happiness is a mood, and it’s a condition, it’s not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry; it’s not permanent, it comes and goes, and that’s okay. And I feel like if people thought of it that way, they’d find happiness a lot more often.”—(via runawaytrain)
i just switched my major to communications. Doing this, I wonder what am I going to do with my life? When I was younger, I kind of just breezed through life thinking that it was going to be so easy for me. In high school I thought “Oh, some great, amazing opportunity will just appear in front of me and it will be so easy from there.” HAHA, sure. I guess I didn’t realize how much moral support and dependency I had on my parents. I didn’t realize how financially stable we were and I never knew what earning money or earning something for yourself was like. I just went on with my life never working hard for anything, never having any huge responsibility. I thought that I could do anything I wanted to by doing the least amount of work or effort possible.
I thought that I would just know what my passion would be. But, as time passes, I still don’t know what I want to do. I’m always wanting the easy way out but I know that taking the easy road, not working hard and not struggling will not make life sweeter or any easier. It will just show me that I can do anything I want to without working hard for it. I know that going through struggles and obstacles makes you a stronger person but how much would I be willing to sacrifice of myself and of my efforts to just to get to the place I want? I am such a lazy person and I hate doing things myself. I have too much dependency on the people around me. ugh. My biggest fear is that I will just live an ordinary life, following the lifestyle of just everyday, normal people. I want to be someone, do something extraordinary and just be known.
i’m become obsessed with being thin, losing weight, watching what I eat. Sometimes it’s on my mind all day and I know I’ll never be anorexic but I hate the fact that I always always keep track of what I eat throughout the day. Eating something later in the day always depends on what I eat earlier during the day. If I eat really bad one day, I always tell myself I’ll make it up to myself tomorrow by eating little or nothing. Ugh, why can’t I just have the body I want.