I am literally losing touch with everything. The only thing keeping me together is doing my school work. It’s the only thing I feel like is keeping me sane and occupied. I’m losing touch with God, church, my friends, and what it feels like to be happy. I don’t even feel motivated to go to church and every time I pray, there is this feeling of nothingness. I feel so lost and out of my element. Everything is out of my control and all the things that used to bring me happiness, I’ve worn them out. I feel like there is nowhere to escape to, nothing can bring me solace. There are bits and pieces throughout the day where I feel, not necessarily happy, but better than normal and then there are times when I feel so down and out. I tell myself to start living for myself, but really, if I do that, I will just end up shutting everyone out. I tell myself that God has a plan for me, that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, but sometimes, it just seems so dim and faraway that I can’t believe and I don’t want to. When I used to read that people said they never felt so alone, I could never understand or grasp that. But now, I know exactly that feeling and it is the worst in the world.
trying to listen to a lesson:
teacher asks me a question:
someone trying to be funny
slow moving bitches in the hallway
bitches whining to me about their boring life
we have homework?
green eyes- Coldplay